Social anxiety disorder and performing the piano in front of others
I’ve put together some thoughts I’ve had over the past few days about how someone with social anxiety can learn to perform piano in front of others.
I hope you find them helpful.
What I felt at the adult piano club
The other day, I went to the adult piano club for the first time in a while.
I'm a perfect ghost member—I only go to the club about once every six months or maybe once a year—and every time I do, I'm overwhelmed by how good everyone else is at the piano.
And whenever I perform, my field of vision narrows, I can’t produce the sound I intend, and it ends in a dismal result.
To briefly explain how the piano club works: we rent out a studio, divide the total time by the number of members who will perform, and each person plays freely during their allotted time.
Talking during a performance is fine, but when the performance is amazing, the chatter tends to die down.
Basically, it’s billed as a “practice session,” so it’s totally fine to perform pieces you’re currently practicing or even ones you’re still sight-reading.
Beginners are more than welcome, and as long as it’s piano music, anything is OK—not just classical, but jazz, pop, anime songs, video game music, or even Marasy-style pieces.
This time, I played Chopin’s Nocturne No. 8, Op. 27-2 while reading the score, and I was already nervous by the time I went to the piano and adjusted the bench.
"Ah, everyone’s looking this way. I’m the center of attention—what do I do? They’re staring from the top of my head to the tips of my toes—are they all expecting something? I’ve got to avoid a letdown right out of the gate. The person who just played Debussy’s ‘The Hills of Anacapri’ was insanely good; I’ve got to play at that level! Actually—everyone, stop looking at me!" …That’s the kind of delusional inner monologue I ended up having.
Some of you might think, “Isn’t that a bit over the top for just a piano club practice session?” I do think I have a strong need for approval, but I also have extreme stage fright and social anxiety.
I somehow managed to start playing, but the piano produced a louder sound than usual, and even I, the one playing, was surprised.
It was a grand piano, but since I usually practice at home on a digital piano and only occasionally rent a place like a piano studio to practice, I found myself increasingly unable to control the sound, and my perspective gradually narrowed.
Although this Chopin nocturne should be a very beautiful piece, in my performance the left-hand part—which should really stay in the background as an accompaniment and not be played too loudly—ended up being ridiculously loud.
And words like 'expression' are a distant second or third priority.
It was a performance like a log—80 bust, 80 waist, 80 hips—with no dynamics from start to finish.
On top of that, when turning pages, I can usually keep playing with a wide field of view while turning, but this time I ended up stopping every time I turned a page (which is the worst thing to do).
Even though one of the notes I played was actually correct, it sounded different from usual, which made me panic for a split second. That led me to mess up the next phrase, and I ended up pressing and releasing the pedal at odd moments. To top it off, when I pressed the una corda (soft pedal), the piano’s touch changed subtly and I made mistakes there as well.
And of course, the foot pressing the pedal was trembling uncontrollably.
Because the performance was like this, the chatter around us gradually increased.
I finished playing and gave my greetings, and everyone kindly applauded, but after that my stomach hurt so much for about an hour.
I knew my mental resilience was weak, but I never imagined it was this weak! On top of that, the fact that I’m thinking things like “Don’t look at me” or “Everyone, please don’t listen” makes me feel disqualified as an artist—as someone who plays the piano.
Or rather, I feel like having this kind of thought process makes one a failure even as a human being.
- Shy or timid people = kind people
There’s a mistaken stereotype like that, but at least in my case, I spin my own fantasies and end up hating other people while I perform.
I thought this was a rather deep-rooted problem.
This isn’t just about the piano—I’m not good with being the center of attention even at karaoke.
I also dislike giving speeches in front of people.
Even making small talk with others is impossible unless you’re very used to it.
That sense of controlling the “space” makes me feel like my brain is overloaded.
Below is a summary of what I’ve been thinking over the past few days about how someone with social anxiety can become able to perform the piano in front of others.
Anyway, practice.
http://www.irasutoya.com/
I think this is all there is to it.
It's true that practicing reduces sources of anxiety.
However, rather than just practicing, I realized it’s important to practice with memorization in mind—drilling the score into your head so that even if the performance stops, you can resume from anywhere.
Additionally, this also leads to more efficient memorization, but I believe it’s important to “understand the structure of the piece” and “form an image of the piece.”
From this measure, the key changes from D-flat major to B-flat minor, so for the first note of this anacrusis, be mindful that the character of the music shifts—take a slight breath mentally before placing your fingers. Or, for example: here you’re confessing an overwhelming love to a noble lady, so play forte with a slightly breathless, almost coughing urgency. I think it’s essential to fully marshal both theory and imagery to make the piece your own.
Until now, I haven’t done things like this kind of analysis or consciously held images in mind.
That's why your music becomes hollow, and when you perform in public you get stage fright because you can't produce a sound backed by firm conviction.
Part 2: Perform a lot in front of people
http://www.irasutoya.com/
To get better at playing the piano in front of others, it’s important—unsurprisingly—to actually perform in front of people. It may sound obvious, but I felt that many amateur pianists tend to neglect this.
In my case,Past entriesAs I wrote, I am currently self-taught and not taking piano lessons, but I hope to start studying under a piano teacher as soon as possible.
Frankly, I feel there’s a world of difference between performing in front of people and quietly playing alone at home on an electric piano.
The more prone you are to nervousness, the greater the gap tends to be between performing in front of others and performing alone, but you can narrow this gap by playing in front of people many times.
By performing a lot in front of others, I figured I’d be able to keep an awareness of the “audience” even when practicing alone, which would help me focus more and practice better.
In that sense, it might be necessary to perform—nervous though you may be—and experience a bit of frustration or setback in a “piano club.”
In other words, if I regard my performances at the piano club as part of practicing playing in front of others, I think there’s a lot to gain by continuing to do them.
Part 3: Do mental training (such as mindfulness meditation and breathing techniques)
http://www.irasutoya.com/
This time, we’ll change direction and do mental training.
I think many people who get stage fright when performing in public or giving a speech end up highlighting their nervousness even more by convincing themselves that they’re “not nervous,” which causes them to fall into a vicious cycle of nervousness.
It's true that a certain amount of 'nervousness' is necessary, but I think getting overly nervous to the point where you lose track of what you're doing is the wrong kind of nervousness.
Mindfulness meditation, which is said to be adopted by companies like Google, is based on the concept of not dwelling on the past or the future, but letting go of distractions and focusing on the present moment.
As I partly wrote, “focusing on the present” means “focusing on playing the piano” when performing in front of others, and I personally felt that practicing this mindfulness meditation makes perfect sense.
In fact, when I practice this mindfulness meditation on sleepless nights, I’m able to let go of past failures and future worries, and I’ve started sleeping much better.
Mindfulness meditation touts that it “improves concentration,” and if your concentration improves, I think you won’t be as bothered by nervousness when performing in front of others.
It’s also important to master breathing techniques. This is the same reason why breathing is important in mindfulness meditation.
Brahms performed by the pianist Ivo Pogorelich:Three Intermezzi, Rhapsody, and Other Pieces
While I was listening, I could hear the sound of taking deep breaths at each phrase.
When this album was released back then, I even tried imitating it by deliberately making breathing sounds while playing the piano, but it turns out that actually made sense.
It seems that switching your breathing with each phrasing increases concentration.
As an aside, despite being an extremely slow performance, this Brahms CD is an excellent rendition where you can practically see the unwavering concentration that doesn’t let a single note be neglected.
Lastly
The three points above are methods I researched and devised for helping someone with social anxiety perform piano in front of others. I plan to try these methods and verify whether they truly produce results.
If I find any new ways to overcome it, I’d like to write another article.
Thank you for reading!