[Ultimate Either-Or] A great conversation starter and a chance to get to know each other!
Have you heard of the ultimate either-or questions? They’re two-choice questions where it’s hard to pick one, but you have to choose, and they can reveal a person’s values and spark conversation.
They’re perfect as conversation starters with friends or partners and for getting to know each other.
In this article, I’ll introduce a collection of ultimate either-or questions related to life and personal values.
There are plenty of prompts that will make you agonize over which to choose, so have fun giving them a try!
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Ultimate Life and Values Dilemmas (21–30)
In the future, I want to either be the one to care for my spouse at the end of their life or be cared for by my spouse.
As you go through life with your spouse and grow older together, the day will eventually come when one of you has to see the other off.
This question invites you to imagine that future and consider whether you would rather be the one who is seen off or the one who sees the other off.
While the wish to care for your partner at the end or to be cared for is important, it’s also key to think about how the person left behind will live the rest of their life alone.
Consider how you view that: would you feel lonely being the one left alone, or would you feel bad about leaving your partner alone? Which of those feels harder for you?
Which would you prefer to spend your whole life by, the sea or the mountains?
The question of “sea or mountains?” is a classic when asking about travel destinations.
Here, though, let’s consider not a trip, but which you would choose if you were to spend your entire life there.
The key to deciding is to picture each environment clearly and imagine the balance of pros and cons.
Drawbacks you could overlook on a short trip are ones you’d have to face if you were living there for life.
Your judgment might also depend on whether you can address the downsides on your own, or whether you find the appeal so strong that it outweighs the disadvantages.
Male or female—if you were to be reborn, which would you choose?
This is a question that asks you to consider which would be ideal—male or female—if you were to be born as a human again after your current life ends.
The answer may differ depending on your current gender and how you feel about it.
Another important point is what you would like to try if you were each gender; from that imagination, we can also get a sense of the images you associate with gender.
Using this question as a starting point, it might be fun to imagine what your life would be like if your gender were different.
Which is better: a busy life with too many friends, or a lonely life with no friends?
Spending time with others adds color to our days, but having time to yourself can also be important at times.
This is a either-or question that reflects how you relate to others and how you make time for yourself.
At first glance, it might seem better to have friends around, but let’s have you decide based on how you feel about being so busy that you can’t secure your own time.
People who often find it bothersome to be around others—such as those who change their behavior to match their friends—may be more likely to choose the latter option.
Which would you rather be: a wealthy person who is disliked, or a poor person who is liked by everyone?
It’s a question that reveals what you’re willing to sacrifice to gain something, and what you value most in life.
It asks whether you would choose money or relationships, and invites you to consider which is truly indispensable in life.
Picture both situations clearly: having the freedom to spend money while being disliked by others, or having no money but being liked by everyone.
Visualizing each scenario is key to making your judgment.
Depending on what you prioritize in life, some people may be able to answer without hesitation.
Which would you rather live with: a summer in a room without air conditioning or a winter in a room without heating?
Air conditioning in hot summers and heating in cold winters are essential parts of daily life, aren’t they? This question asks which season you would choose if you couldn’t use them.
Imagine the harshness of each season clearly and decide which one you feel you could tolerate better.
The answer will likely vary depending on factors like whether you’re more tolerant of heat or cold, your constitution, and which season you prefer.
However, actually trying this could be life-threatening, so be sure to keep the question and answer purely in your imagination.
Which would you rather have: the ability to see the future or the ability to read people’s minds?
This question asks which special ability you would want if one were to awaken within you: the power to perceive the future or the power to read people’s minds.
Your choice might differ depending on what you value in everyday life—whether you want to aim for a better future or make interpersonal relationships smoother.
And if you were to gain such abilities, let’s also consider how you would use them.
The more clearly you can envision the ability, the more unexpected ways of using it may come to light.